It’s a horrible feeling to grieve for your mother while she is still alive.

“My mum always had her demons, it started as bipolar. She would be down and depressed and then suddenly she would be running up and down in the house, frustrated that she had so many things to do and she had to finish everything right now. She didn’t feel like anything was wrong with her so she would just stop taking her medications from one day to the next. You cannot stop taking these medications just like that. As a result of that, she started to get more and more depressed and they would prescribe more and more medications for her. I spent my teenage years looking after her because she couldn’t take care of anything. She was like an addict, just sitting in the sofa for days barely moving her eyes. I would ask her if she needs some tea or if she is hungry and it would take 10-15 seconds for her to reply. We had so many fights, my father is the only person left for her and she treats him like her greatest enemy… Schizophrenia slowly took over her personality and she became this evil person, whose thoughts are only around how can she hurt others… There were times when I used to talk to her for hours on the phone at work because she said she needed me and that she was suicidal. Every time I left work for her, when I arrived, she was fine like nothing happened. I think she just wanted me to lose my job, which I did two times. She needed so much attention it was crazy! Attention, love and care but nothing in return, only abuse… She was bringing me downhill so fast that I had to get out of there. It’s hard to admit, but I ran away from my mother. That’s the reason I’m in Dublin. I wanted to be as far as possible from her… It’s a horrible feeling to grieve for your mother while she is still alive.”