Pickles, my son, was only a youngster, about eight years of age, when I took him fishing for the first time

“Pickles, my son, was only a youngster, about eight years of age, when I took him fishing for the first time. The river was a couple of hundred yards away from where we lived. We set up everything nicely in one spot and his big brother and the lads took another spot a little further down. I caught a couple of small fish and then he wanted to try. So I told him, ‘Here, you can use my rod, but be careful with it now! Let me show you what to do.’ I wasn’t even paying much attention when, bang! He had a fish! A huge, beautiful Sea Trout, I couldn’t believe it. He barely got it out of the water, and the first thing he wanted to do was run back home to show his mother. I said, ‘There is still fishing to be done here son!’ My three fish were only about half of the weight of his but he just kept saying ‘no, no I really want to show it to Mom’. I remember I had to pack up everything and go all the way back home just to show it to his mother… I never thought, only a decade later, I would walk by that same spot on the way to bury him… He took his own life. These memories, with so many others, went through me like a hot knife through butter… It was the most devastating time in our lives but his brother’s whole world fell apart. They were inseparable, five years between them but they were like twins. He never wanted him to be out on his own. They went everywhere together. If you picked with one you were picking with the other… That’s the way they were. He couldn’t get over losing his brother. Seven months later he followed him too… So here I am now… two out of five dead. It took me some time to realize that I’m not here for the ones that are gone. I have to be here for the ones that are still here. I’m not looking for answers anymore, because there are no answers, they are gone and took the answers with them. Now I need to be here for the ones left behind…”

Martin Brosnan is a committee member with Darkness Into Light for Pieta House in Tralee, Co.Kerry. Darkness Into Light 2018 takes place across the country on Saturday, May 12th at 4.15am and is proudly supported by Electric Ireland.

To find your local venue and register visit www.darknessintolight.ie. Registering for Darkness Into Light raises vital funds for Pieta House’s work around the country and in your local community. This series continues on the ElectricIreland channel, make sure to check it out. If you or a loved one ever need help, call Pieta House on the Freephone number 1800 247 247.