When you lose a loved one without any answers, your mind goes to look for them

“There was a time in my life when I made life difficult for myself and the people around me. I grew up with the mindset that drinking is part of Irish culture. Some people drink to feel good at the weekends but it took hold of me. I neglected my family and my work for years. I learnt a lot from those times but the guilt of it stayed with me. My son was only 23 when I lost him. I thought that was God’s way to punish me for the things I have done in the past. He was a happy lad. He loved computer games and football, he was a huge Manchester United fan and he had a girlfriend as well. They were happy together. One evening, he said goodnight to me and went to bed. When I went into his room the next morning and saw him, I knew he was dead. The doctor said it was an Acute Respiratory Failure. Liquid built up in his lungs and they just stopped functioning while he was asleep. No signs, no warnings… I believe in God. I always did and I always will, but my mind went to some dark places after that day. When you lose a loved one without any answers, your mind goes to look for them. It took me a long time to accept the fact that I cannot go back to fix things, but I’m at peace now… I’m at a stage called ‘Acceptance’. It took me 14 years to get here. I used to find it difficult to talk about it, but not anymore. I find release remembering the good times we had. I live for those memories and I will never forget him.”